Cubs dismantle Royals 6-0 in absolute mess of a game

Ew

Sometimes, a pitcher throws some strikes in a way that makes you go “Oh, it’s gonna be one of those nights.” It was, indeed, one of those nights. Chicago Cubs starter Matthew Boyd totally shoved as the Cubs gouged Royals pitching for six runs, Cubs runners stole seven (7!!!) bases, and the Royals defense committed what was three—but should have been four—errors along the way. The game ended 6-0, Cubbies.

Right away, Chicago Cubs starter Matthew Boyd demonstrated that he was completely in control of the game. Through two innings, Boyd threw 18 total pitches, efficiently carving up Royals hitters. He continued his efficiency through four innings, only allowing one walk in the process. At one point in the fourth inning, Bobby Witt Jr. had seen 20% of Boyd’s total pitches in his nine-pitch plate appearance.

Meanwhile, 45-year-old Rich Hill started for Kansas City. The Royals are Hill’s 14th big league team, tying an MLB record with Edwin Jackson, and the broadcast was gleefully talking about how old Hill was during multiple innings. They aired a clip from earlier in the game from 22-year-old Jac Caglianone marveling at the old man.

This was one of the games where there were no Royals highlights whatsoever, so you get a Cags interview prior to the game instead.

Hill was a little wild early, struggling with command; he tossed 50 pitches in the first two innings. Granted, Hill was hurt by exceedingly poor defense. In the second inning, Dansby Swanson kicked things off with a single to left field, and Ian Happ gifted the Royals by hitting a double-play ball to Nick Loftin—who proceeded to bobble the ball and get zero outs.

Then, Justin Turner gifted the Royals another double play ball, this time to Salvador Perez at first base. Perez threw to second base, getting one out, but couldn’t hold onto the on-target throw from Jonathan India for the second out. Both plays were designated as errors. Matt Shaw hit a soft ground ball that he beat out for an RBI infield single, and after that, the Cubs were up 2-0.

Hill’s final run happened on a double off the bat of the Man With the Longest Name (Pete Crow-Armstrong). While this is the type of play that is never ruled an error, Caglianone looked ever the bit like “first baseman who the team stuck in the outfield” in a deer-in-the-headlights type moment. I mean…just look.

Kansas City had precisely one chance to score, which was in the top of the fifth inning. Loftin hit a single to begin the frame. A Caglianone groundout moved Loftin to second base. Freddy Fermin then singled on a blooper to right field, but it was such that Loftin needed to wait to see if it was caught. John Rave attempted to sac bunt a run across and ended up with an infield single (which Loftin once again couldn’t advance on) to load the bases.

Then Kyle Isbel hit a soft line drive to Swanson, who tagged out Fermin for a double play. Womp womp.

I could write about the rest of the game, but it is not worth discussing. Rave flat-out dropped a fly ball in the eighth inning, extending the frame enough for Rex Hudler to talk about the time he acted like a dog in the Wrigley outfield one time because fans were yelling dog jokes at him. That might have been the highlight of the night. At one point the Cubs scored another three runs. I sort of disassociated point.

Anyway, the Royals are 49-53. Good night, and good luck.